Helping Your Wife Feel Good About Her Breasts

by J. Parker

For most wives, what a husband thinks about her breasts makes a big difference in how she feels about her body and her self-confidence outside and inside the bedroom.

Since I’m currently recovering from implant removal surgery, the topic of breasts has been at the forefront of my mind. (If you want to know why I had the surgery, you can find out more here.) Through the years, I’ve also had a number of conversations or read stories from other wives about their journeys regarding their chests. Let’s talk frankly about women’s breasts.

Women are defined by breast size.

A number of men are concerned about the size of their penis. But you know what? Unless he undresses, no one knows the actual size of his penis. Not so with a woman’s breasts.

From the time a girl enters puberty, she’s eminently aware of how her chest measures up against other girls and societal expectations, and so is everyone else. Sure, the full extent is not known, but as long as she wears normal undergarments and clothing, anyone in view knows what she has or doesn’t have.

Big-breasted women draw attention, wanted and unwanted, and may have experienced harassment due to their size. Small-breasted women can be targets of mockery and feel inadequate. Average-size women may have breasts that are an unusual shape or uneven or disproportionate to the rest of their body.

Not only are we aware of our breast size; we’re also aware that everyone else knows (at least somewhat) and define us in part according to that trait.

Women face unrealistic expectations.

Breasts are distorted in society, particularly in American culture. From boob jobs to photoshopping to push-up bras to pornography, breasts are made to appear bigger than they occur in nature. They also seem rounder and perkier. We presume that men come away with a sense of what breasts could be, rather than what they are.

We also hear about men fantasizing or at least curious about large, round, perky breasts. And most women don’t have those—or at least, not naturally.

Women have unrealistic expectations too, but most of us have also seen a variety of real boobs to know what’s typical. We may still have an expectation of more, but we know it’s not without extra effort.

Most wives want to look good for their husbands.

Most wives not only want to look good for their husbands but also want to feel comfortable with and confident about their bodies for their own sake! But a husband’s viewpoint is part of the equation. We want to be appealing and keep our beloved’s eyes focused on us.

Having attractive breasts ranks high in that equation since it’s communicated in about a billion ways to us throughout life that Men Like Boobs. Let me park here for a bit and share the kind of statements I’ve heard from wives through the years:

• He stops talking if I flash my boobs because he loves them so much.
• He doesn’t care if my boobs sag, just as long as I have them and they sag near him.
• He loves to lay his head between my breasts.
• He loves when I’m pregnant because my boobs grow a full cup or two.
• He seemed disappointed when my breasts went back to their regular size after I stopped nursing.
• He really wants me to get breast augmentation.
• I need a mastectomy, but I’m worried because he’s such a breast man. Will he still think I’m sexy?
• When we go on dates, I make sure to wear something that shows a sliver of cleavage, which my husband always appreciates.

Even though our breasts take up a small percentage of our bodies, they are a primary focus for many husbands. We’re aware of that, and most wives want to feel like they’re enough—both for themselves and their husbands.

We could use your help.

Here’s a summary of all of these points: Wives face a lot of external and internal pressure to measure up in the breast department, yet most women do not have naturally large, round, perky boobs.

Some women choose to augment, but most don’t. (And no woman should get a boob job because she feels inadequate or pressured by her husband.) So how can a wife feel good about her breasts? How can she not only accept the size, shape, and shift of her breasts but confidently share them with her husband?

You are one key to unlocking her contentment.

Here are a few tips to help your wife embrace her beautiful bosom:

• Tell her what you like about her breasts. Be specific, not just focusing on boobs, but her own contours or how they feel in the palm of your hand or when they press up against you.
• Listen to her concerns about her breasts. Don’t downplay or dismiss her feelings, even if you think they are off-base. Rather, ask her to share her worries and simply respond with your perspective instead.
• Keep your gaze off other women’s breasts. If your eyes linger at women with the kind of breasts she doesn’t have, she will likely feel compared and insufficient.
• Encourage her to find clothes that fit and flatter her chest size. If she’s an unusual size or shape, she may need to visit a specialty store (in person or online) and her bras may cost more. But having fewer bras that fit well is a good trade-off.
• Express your desire for her as more than your attraction to her breasts. Make sure she knows that if her boobs disappeared tomorrow, you’d still find her beautiful—inside and out.

It may take time for her to accept that her breasts are worth treasuring and enjoying in the bedroom. But a husband’s reassurance can help a lot in writing over bad messages from the past and the present about breast size and shape. Knowing that, no matter what, your husband finds your chest worth a second look and a long caress can be an important step in the journey.