Why Doesn’t She Want to Give You Oral Sex? 5 Reasons That Are About You (and What You Can Do About Them)

By Chris Taylor

In Why Doesn’t She Want to Give You Oral Sex? 8 Reasons That Are Not About You, I shared some reasons your wife might not want to give you oral sex that have nothing to do with you.

But guys? Sometimes it IS about you. Fortunately, you can take action on these things.

I hear from plenty of wives about not wanting to give their husbands oral sex. I typically hear five different reasons that have to do with their husbands.

So let’s get to it and tackle five reasons she might not want to give you oral sex.

5 Reasons—and What You Can Do About Them

Some of the things on this list might sting a bit, but if you think anything on this list might be an issue, ask your wife.

Your hygiene is a problem. Sorry, guys. There’s no way to hint about this, so I’ll be direct. If you want your wife to consider giving you oral sex, make sure your nether regions are freshly cleaned—and not just the bits you are hoping to have kissed.

Use a soapy washcloth and clean your penis, your scrotum, and your back crack. Rinse well. Women tend to have a strong sense of smell (see J’s Why She Needs You to Shower), and if you want your wife’s nose in your lap, you want to be sure there are no sweat or bathroom odors lingering nearby.

And here’s a bonus tip: even when oral sex isn’t likely to happen, clean yourself for your wife.

Your semen has an unpleasant taste. If you eat a lot of red meat or strong-smelling vegetables, it can have a negative effect on the taste of your semen and on your pre-ejaculate. Some people say that drinking pineapple juice can give semen a sweeter flavor. Healthy eating and good hydration can make a positive difference. (See J’s post 5 Things You Should Know About Oral Sex.) Perhaps do some dietary experiments with your wife and see what you can learn.

If your semen is too strong for her, it might help to add some flavored lubricant, chocolate syrup, or yogurt to your penis to counteract the other tastes. If you think you might have penis-in-vagina intercourse after oral, stick to unsweetened yogurt, as introducing sugar into the vagina can lead to infection for your wife.

You’re a selfish lover. It’s hard to see selfishness in ourselves, so here’s a quiz to help you out. Choose 1 or 2 for each pair of sentences.

1. Sex usually goes how you want it to, with you determining positions, activities, length of time, etc.
2. Your wife feels like she has an equal say in how sex goes.

1. Most of your sexual encounters are quickies.
2. Most of your sexual encounters take at least 20 minutes.

1. You do only enough foreplay to get your wife lubricated.
2. You wait until she is fully aroused before entering her.

1. Sex is over when you have your orgasm.
2. Sex is over when both of you have said you’re done.

If you answered 1, you might be a selfish lover. If you answered 2, good job!

If you think you might be a selfish lover, start working on the 2 options from the quiz.

You ask for oral sex in unattractive ways. Do you come across as demanding, whining, or accusing? Requests phrased as “give me a blow job,” “why don’t you ever give me a blow job,” or “you’re never willing to give me a blow job” are not very appealing. Neither is it attractive to have a husband respond to “no, I’d rather have sex” with pouting or anger.

The frustration behind those kinds of responses is understandable, but demanding, whining, or accusing don’t make us think, Wow, I can’t wait to get my mouth on his bits. If you’re interested in receiving oral sex, ask kindly—and if she says no, respond in a way that assures her that you love her more than you want oral sex.

Your relationship is difficult. A woman can feel very vulnerable giving her husband oral sex—and if your wife doesn’t feel she can completely trust you, oral sex won’t be too appealing. If your relationship overall isn’t in a good place, then the relationship is the problem, not the fact that your wife won’t give you oral sex.

One of the sadder emails I received was from a woman who said that her husband berated her in front of their children on a daily basis, asking me how on earth he expected that she would feel positive enough about him to do something so vulnerable for her. Men, please don’t be that guy. If your relationship is a problem, then set aside your pursuit of oral sex and work on the relationship.

Working on these areas may not make your wife automatically want to give you oral sex—but they can help her feel known and loved. And that is the best foundation there is to help her be more open to the idea in the future.

When she decides she’s ready, be sure to let her know about a couple resources to help Christian wives get comfortable giving their husbands oral sex.

At The Forgiven Wife, I have a list of all my posts about oral sex at Oral Sex: Blessing Your Husband and Learning to Be Blessed.

The Sex Chat for Christian Wives team has a replay available of our Oral Sex for Him Webinar.