J. Parker
Our goal with this ministry is to help husbands understand their wives better—mostly with regard to sexual intimacy. But sometimes her viewpoint of other things impacts her sexual interest.
As I write this post, the COVID-19 global pandemic has impacted nearly all of us. I shared in our subscription community (which you should totally join HERE) what I’ve been hearing from wives. The gents there recommended I turn that into a blog post. So here it is!
What are wives feeling?
During this pandemic and lockdown, your wife could be feeling any or several of the following:
Moodiness. Anxiety, depression, frustration—all are heightened right now.
Uncertainty. Even when a crisis is bad, what’s worse is not knowing when it will end, or what the lasting consequences will be.
Guilt. She’s not keeping up with the kids’ schoolwork like she should, giving her job what it deserves, making enough masks for those in need, finding time for physical intimacy, etc. — making her feel that she’s just not enough.
Exhaustion. It’s the same 24 hours, but the days feel so much longer. By the end of it—or even by early afternoon—she’s worn out.
Sorrow. She knows someone affected by coronavirus or reads the sad stories and absorbs the emotional pain.
Anger. She may be frustrated that her husband isn’t taking the risk as seriously or downplaying her own concern.
Neediness. She longs for more reassurance from her husband, family, or friends, even if she doesn’t say it aloud. But that sense that she’s not in it alone would be so helpful at times.
How can you respond to her emotions?
First, recognize it’s not your job to address them all. You’re a heroic husband, but you’re not Jesus.
Second, your wife is an individual, so exactly what she’s feeling is specific to her. You can encourage her to share her feelings or show her this post and ask which of the above emotions resonate with her and why.
Third, talk about what reassurance would best speak to her. What does she need from you? Just to listen? Affirm her feelings? Take specific actions? Support her efforts? Find out what words and actions you are able to provide that can help.
Many wives simply want to be heard and validated. I’m not saying you have to agree with her perspective, but acknowledge that her feelings are understandable. And reaffirm your unity—that whatever comes in life, you’re in it together.
How does sex play into this?
It may be more important than ever to help her settle her mind and to woo her. Do what you can to help her remember that she matters apart from all the things she’s juggling right now—that you see her as the beautiful woman you married.
So many wives respond well to the gentle strength a quality husband can provide. His tender protection can be shown in everything from financial provision to taking good care of the children to giving a long, reassuring hug. It also comes across in meeting her sexual needs, whether that’s the need right now for more affection and foreplay or more intense lovemaking or more time to shift from other roles to sexy wife.
And as you pour into each other outside the bedroom, that can have a positive effect on what happens inside the bedroom. Given how vulnerable sex can be, feeling that trust with our spouse can make all the difference in opening up our sexual desire.
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